portrait of a nut

Monday, November 5, 2007

My dad lost his job a month ago. I went to the office with him one last time. The same office my sis and I played in, the elevators that impressed us so much when we were nine and seven. I remember we used to sit outside and wait for dad to come out after a day of work. He'd bring us two cans of soda, since they were free back then.
We'd run and play tag. I told my sister a rock in the garden there was an armadillo that was sleeping (we were from california and had just moved to texas). Every day my sister would go check on the sleeping 'armadillo.' One day she kicked it lightly and it rolled over. "you killed it!" I said.
I was a compulsive liar/storymaker-upper.
I remember going in there and drinking a hot cup of cocoa while playing computer games.
I really need to appreciate the here and now, someday this will be a cherished memory too.

I like the song 'somewhere only we know' by keane. Youtube link here

falling behind

My best friend told me he got his first kiss from a guy this past weekend.
I asked him if he ran home to write about it in his diary. He didn't, or so he says.

Me and Best friend met in highschool. He was a late bloomer, I was just awkard looking. We hit it off immediately, loving to make up stories and basically improv our way through the school day.
Everyone thought we'd get married. I did too, sort of. Definitely on a mental level he was one of my soul mates (we've kind of grown apart- i'm more dour).
He hit puberty and starting looking like the lead singer to Maroon 5/Jude Law. Ya. I really had no excuse not to like him. Only thing, he was acting ambivalent with me too. Sometimes flirty, sometimes not.
I came out to him via IM, but he thought i was just joking/overreacting. It wasn't until this year that he came out to me. Finally! our friendship became more honest and relaxed. No weird 'why aren't we dating' moments.

Anyways, it's funny how the one thing that strained our relationship was something we shared- being gay. Only i'm not half as girl-crazy as he is boy-crazy. For me, it's because it's harder to tell if a girl is just being friendly or flirty, so I don't let my hopes ever go up.
Anyways, i'm at home, studying, doing not much socializing. And he's getting looks and makeout sessions already! and hugs from hot guys. I just feel scared about being left behind (in the social aspect) again. I've kissed a few boys, but i've never kissed a girl. I wonder if it'll ever happen. I don't want to miss out on anymore, but I don't know how to get started.

Scoring coke...grinders...

My sister went to London for her fashion retail class. Lucky. She didn't really like it though. She did go to a gay club with her friends and had all the cute bisexual boys hit on her. Said it was filled with the cutest guys she's ever seen, but they were mostly about each other. I guess my sister must be pretty hot or something. I remember thinking she was like a sack of flour when she was as baby. Square, heavy..just sat there. And that's the way I'll always think of her, nothing less nothing more.

Her friend commissioned her to buy them a grinder.

Sister: Do you know what I mean when I say grinder?
Me: ...a meat grinder?

There's two types: one for marijuana, the other for cocaine. Her friend wanted the latter one. Now, my sister doesn't do drugs. She tried marijuana once and got extremely paranoid, thinking she was on Candid camera and that cops were out to get her. Nearly had a heart attack from it.
And my sister is fairly shy.

So she goes to the town outdoor market and sees some grinder vendors.

Sis: Hi, do you have a grinder?
Vendor: Like this?
Sis: No...another kind.
Vendor: This is a grinder.
Sister: Not the one for marijuana...the one for something else.
Vendor: oh you mean COCAINE?!
Sister: Oh shit! (runs away)

(later, at aother vendor- haggling)
Sister: can I have it for 8 dollars?
Vendor: You don't need to haggle. Only rich people buy this stuff.
Sister: I only have 8 dollars.
Vendor: Ok fine. You're cute.
Sister: Thanks.
Vendor: Can I buy you a drink?
Sister: Oh, no thanks.
Vendor: Can I buy you some cocaine?
Sister: No! no, I'm fine...

(sis and i are laughing at her stories. Then I turn serious)
Me: You realize now that you've told me this, I have to turn your friends in.
Sister: Ugh...you suck.
Me: I know. What a buzzkill.

Yikes...my 2nd round of residency interviews starts tomorrow.
El Paso.

My mom is real superstitious and says this is my lucky month (a bhuddist monk with weird astrology told her so)...dad and I are like yeah right. Then I won $20 off the lotto. I won a scholarship just because the professor said he saw some potential in me. He wasn't sure what. Je ne se qouis (or however you spell it). At first I thought he was coming on to me...but he's been awesome and fair.

And now, i'm putzing around 6 hours before my flight and I think, well I should google and see what else I can learn about this place. I find a link that stated they like to ask simple medical scenarios at the interviews...
Gulp.
I haven't been studying pediatric stuff per se...I've been studying general medicine/pathology. It's good to know I need to review this stuff before the big day!

Thank God. i do seem very lucky so far.